There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
