i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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