Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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