So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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