fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
