Princesses don't give blow jobs
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
