So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Randomize
