so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
