my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
