We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
this will be a night to untag.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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