it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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