I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
