are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
