Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
