I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
