I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
