He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
