i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
