We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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