could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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