so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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