I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
