I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
