I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
