so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
