got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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