i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
