Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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