i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm too high and old for this...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
