what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
