She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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