I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
