uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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