quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
