Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
