considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
