if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
