what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so much tequila, so little girl.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
