you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
