i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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