I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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