the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
