Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
