do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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