Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
