he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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