My Higher Power is John Stamos
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
