the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
