Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
