That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
