allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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