I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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