i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
