You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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