summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
