8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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