the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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