You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So many bounce houses so little time
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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