I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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