This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she looked like the before picture.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We had to coat check the pizza.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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