It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
