she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
