My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
