oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You took a bar mat shot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
