another moral hangover. fuck.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
