just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The adults are the big ones right?
its liver damage thursday
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
