I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
