Jerry, you need to find god
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
