oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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