im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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