i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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