I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
