oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
