Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i've created a new STD.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
