I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
