we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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