So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
