I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
