how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
